Staying Positive

The news... how anyone can watch the news or read the paper and still have hope for humanity seems

almost impossible.  The media works to get people all riled up over controversial issues and lets face it there's a lot of crappy stuff going on.  Remember though it's like stories about the dentist... people don't volunteer positive stories where everything went well.  People only seem to remember and reiterate the horror stories!  Then there is grief: you've lost someone dear to you or you lost someone that you wanted to spend more time with and get closer to, and now you can't. You've lost time... that's a popular source of negativity, regret.  Grieving over lost youth, what could have been.  In addition, we have heartbreak:  people whom you love don't understand you, or they misunderstand you.  People you care about giving up on you, moving on without you... not needing you when you want to feel needed, after all you can't be there for someone if they don't need you.  Disappointments and stress can totally take you to a dark place.  Sometimes it seems like every little thing is going wrong and it's all your fault... you can't do anything right.  Negative views of the world often stem from negative views of ourselves.  Maybe you think you've been a lousy, second rate parent.  Maybe you are cynical and focus on the fact that some things suck and you can't change that.  Maybe you feel like you haven't accomplished as much as you would have liked. You get down on yourself and then you get down on yourself for being down!  Frustration is rampant in our lives with the value people put on money and living beyond their means.  Some of us just can't manage to keep up with the Jones' or simply keep up with the bills for that matter.  It always seems like there is something that stands in our way of getting what we want.  Whenever a little money is saved, something breaks down and needs to be replaced.  It's hard to stay positive when these things happen, especially when several happen in a short span of time.  You may  feel like you will never get ahead, or you'll never reach your dream of security. Some people just want it all.

Here's the thing... YOU ARE IN CHARGE!  You can change anything you want to, and if it's something that can't possibly be changed then let it go!  If you're broke, come to the realization that money isn't everything and some of the poorest people on the planet have lots of money, while some of the richest people have little to no money at all.  If people that you love have walked out of your life... let them go. Love them, pray for them (or wish them well, whatever your tendency) and free them.  Give them the gift of not having you in their life if that is what they desire, so that they might learn and possibly find their way back to you...but if not, then you're better off without them and you have learned.  You don't need people that aren't smart enough to want you.

Here are some strategies that may help you to stop and re think your perspective. Things you can do to re-center yourself or prioritize...

1. collecting positive memes. (I've said this before but it is good for so many things!)
2. writing every morning in a notebook something positive that you are feeling to start the day.
3. smiling and thinking about how each situation that comes up and causes you stress has a silver lining and what that could be... even if it's "I could have gotten deathly ill today and I didn't," or "I didn't get maimed in an accident today."
4. celebrating someone you care about in some way ie: birthday, wedding, new house, friendship anniversary, baby, etc. even "just because I love that you're my friend."
5.  Help try to cheer someone up or make someone happier in their day, this is HUGE! When you are convincing someone else to look at the bright side you are training yourself to do the same thing.
6. praying or meditating on your blessings and all you have to be thankful for.
7. Make a list of things you can look forward to and the objectives you need to accomplish to obtain them.
8. Look around you and never forget that things can always be worse, there are so many less fortunate people who are far worse off.
9. Get up and exercise and if possible... do it outside surrounded by nature!  A little quiet time alone in nature can improve our perspective and bring peace to your soul. Exercise releases feel good chemicals in your brain that improve mood and with a little personal effort... outlook.
10. Keep in mind things that sabotage your good mood, such as negative people, hormonal changes, etc and do what needs to be done to avoid those things. (If it's hormonal changes... it will pass, eat well, exercise and give it a week.)

Remember every mistake is a learning opportunity.  Change is not always a bad thing.  Empower yourself... remember everything you've come through and accomplished, everything that you have survived keeping in mind that all of that has made you stronger.

Lastly, if you need help because you are depressed and you just can't get yourself out of the rut you are in... seek help.  There is no shame in that!  Everyone needs help sometimes and getting help to improve yourself is being proactive and working to improve what needs to be improved... and that is to be commended.  Nothing profound here... just a reminder that if you try to be a more positive person, it will only bring more happiness into your life! Heed the following quote:

"No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit."  -- Helen Keller.

Bad Days...

I've been struggling with which of the many blog topics I should write about.  I have illness, parents, children, insecurities, family, conflict, etc... All of which I feel I need to do a little research on.  I have ideas, but not enough to publish anything substantial, nor do I feel like I have enough time on my hands to . However lately I feel like I have quite a bit of experience with "bad days," or "rough days."

I'm not talking about any particular issue such as depression or weight loss, grief or conflicts with loved ones.  I'm just talking about not feeling good/happy, being able to deal with not feeling right, things going wrong, frustration in general with life.  Last week I skipped blogging because I didn't feel like I was doing a very good job.  Then, I had a couple of bad days where things weren't going my way and I was feeling frustrated and overwhelmed with things in my life.

Bad days can causes us to focus on our insecurities, become irritable and unhappy and can derail us from living a positive and productive journey.  Tonight as I sat on the couch perusing a number of things on the internet, it came to me that this is what I should at least touch on.  Write what I am thinking.

The internet has been an incredible gift to me in that I have discovered friends both old and new, activities, positive quotations, motivation and inspiration.  Tonight I was reading some quotes by John Muir and after a week of hiking fairly vigorously. I also looked at tree tattoos.  The hiking, both the action of, and the social aspect I get from my hiking group have made me feel empowered physically and mentally. I have learned to appreciate everything more, and to look at the silver lining inside each cloud.  Sometimes I'm just grateful to the clouds both metaphorical and literal for the shade they provide.  I've done some serious thinking and soul searching.  I've focused on things I'd like to accomplish to improve myself as a person.  For example, I want to be a more positive person, I want to inspire others and make them feel good about themselves, I want to let go of negative opinions, I want to be lovable and I want to be happy and for that to spread to my friends and family.  I want people to know that I care about them and that they matter to me.  I want to be helpful and of service and joy to others. I want to empower people and be the source of a smile.

I keep telling myself, that it's ok to have bad days.  Weather that means you've failed to reach a goal, you've been unproductive or unfair or selfish or just unhappy with your blessings... we all have bad days.  We all make mistakes.  The important thing is that we use those mistakes to learn from.  I decided to  take a break today, where I basically allowed myself to do absolutely nothing productive. I barely have 2000 steps where as I usually have 10-20,000.  I didn't put make up on or even get dressed.  I re-charged.  I browsed pinterest collecting memes that I liked on my motivation board.  I ate some stuff I wouldn't normally eat (without going TOO nuts,) and I thought about the week and the things that frustrated me:  Hormones, exhaustion, frustration over Fitbit's latest update screwing with my life (food-log,) my weight starting to plateau and my noticing the lack of muscle in my body, most of all feeling over booked and overwhelmed. Then, I tried extra hard today to be nicer than usual to my husband. It didn't hurt that I slept in getting over 9 hours sleep was refreshing in itself to say the least.  I made cards for people that I thought would smile when they received them.  I logged everything I ate in a "note" on my phone.  Suddenly the guy that leads the group hosting the class I missed the day before, contacted me to say I'd be able to attend the class in the future at no additional cost (which really made me happy!) Things just started feeling ok, things were better, they started falling into place.  It's like I had healed something inside of me by taking a day to myself and re-focusing without putting any pressure on myself at all, not even pressure to re-focus.  I said nice things to myself  like... "because I'm awesome, that's why." I told myself that I wasn't going to screw anything up by having a couple of rough days.  I'll get past them, get back on track and be stronger than ever.

Sometimes it just takes some quiet time to re focus after relaxing and thinking about goals and objectives.  So if you're going through a rough time, if you're over worked and things aren't going the way you want them to... take a day off from life and just exist in your pjs.  Eat the last of the groceries, no one will die if you don't go to the store this very day.  Enjoy some meaningless chat, read, shop online for crap you like but don't need.  Smile at yourself and remind yourself that you're going to be ok, because you're a badass and even bad-asses need a little down time.  That isn't all that profound or helpful, but at the very least maybe someone will read this and then won't feel like they're the only one that start to lose it from time to time.

How I eat as healthy as I can.

They say diet is 80% and exercise is 20%, I'm no authority but I know that "If you eat what you've always eaten, you'll weigh what you've always weighed." Your diet is important!  Here is my perspective on the food I put in my body.  After all, we have no control over genetics etc... but we do have control over what we put in our mouths.

First let me say, I am  trying to drink more water.  A lot of times we feel hungry when our bodies are dehydrated and that's because your body wants water any way that it can get it.  My goal is 64 oz/day.  That's eight 8oz cups and a pretty standard goal.  It will help you to not feel as hungry.

Speaking of "hungry," in my world there are 2 kinds of "hungry."  One is "mouth hungry," where you aren't actually hungry because your body needs fuel, you just want to eat because it tastes good and satisfies you.  The other is "tummy hungry," which is your body's reaction to the actual need for fuel.  I ignore mouth hunger and chew a piece of gum.  When I am actually hungry for real I make my calories count by eating as many "whole" foods as I can that are high in nutrients and as little processed and junk food as possible.

I use my fitbit to keep track of what I eat, how much and how many calories.  I am talking about the calories I'm taking in compared what I'm burning.  I have a Fitbit Charge 2 and eventually want a Versa so that I can swim with it on, but that will have to come in time as my Charge2 is working just fine for now and my bank account isn't always.

I employ my will to say no several times daily.  I do not eat if I don't know the calories in something.  Sometimes I go to to restaurants with my hiking buddies group and just order a diet soda because I don't know how many calories are in the food and I insist on losing as quickly as is safely possible.  I want to see results!  Most restaurants serve multiple servings on one plate/order and therefore are far more calories than I need, which means that they are far more calories than I want.  I would rather wait until I get home and feel the pride of self control.

 I do however, eat at a few places that I can get the calorie count on certain foods.  For example:  Chick-Fil-a has a char-grilled chicken sandwich and the calories are easily found online in their "nutrition" section of the website.  Smashburger and Wendys have similar menu items that allow me to have a treat now and then if I have worked off enough extra calories for the day.  One thing I do consistently is to carry snacks in the car.  Lara bars, Cliff bars, dried fruits, nuts, pouches of tuna, yogurt in a cooler, fruit, single servings of peanut butter... etc.  are wonderful at not allowing me to have to "grab something" while I'm out.  The trick is to carry snacks that you don't hate, but aren't so good you'll be tempted to over eat them.  Just carry one or two things if you're only going to be gone a few hours to run errands for the day.  

That being said, I honestly don't deprive myself.  I have whatever I want in small amounts, a fun size candy bar or a couple of kisses when I'm craving chocolate, a lunch snack size bag of chips (one serving,) or even some macaroni and cheese (microwave cups are perfect,) peanut butter, bread or pasta in small amounts. I do measure my food, I found that buying some measuring cups at the Dollar Tree and leaving appropriate serving size measures in foods like cereal, nuts/seeds and powdered coffee creamer helps tremendously.  It cuts down on washing them and makes it convenient to not have to go looking for the appropriate size measure.

I try to eat "clean."  For those of you who don't know what that means, it basically means not putting any kind of goop on your food such as sour cream, dressing, gravy, sauces, etc.  It's hard and I don't stick to that 100% of the time, and when I do put "goop" on my food I measure the serving size only and count the calories... all my food goes into my Fitbit, even one single cracker.  The only foods I do not count are:  raw lettuce, raw tomato, raw onion, raw celery, dill pickles, raw broccoli, and other raw vegetables that do not have enough calories that I could possibly go overboard on them.  I do count corn, carrots etc because they have a much higher sugar content/calorie count.
Remember that Whole Foods are best, processed foods have dirty little secrets and sugar causes inflammation.  To be honest, sugar is my biggest downfall.  I am thoroughly addicted to it.  Pastries, candies, all of it and there's one certain week per month it's at it's worst.  I have actually walked 12 miles (walking until midnight) to burn off the calories I ate in chocolate bars earlier in the evening.  I am no quitter.  LOL!

What do I think of diets such as vegan, paleo, keto, south beach, etc?  Well, I was vegan for 2.5 years.  I believe that a whole food plant based diet is the healthiest diet you can possibly have, however... vegan means "no animal products" and is NOT synonymous with healthy.  Oreo cookies, Fruit Loops, & Sour Patch Kids are all vegan foods.  I don't know much about other diets, many of them I believe are gimmicks and work on a temporary basis.  If I was going to pick a program for someone that needed help I would recommend Weight Watchers only because I know so many people who have had success with it. With regard to weight-loss surgery... if that's what you have to do to get healthy and love yourself then do it.  More power to you for recognizing that is what you need to do and getting it done.  Know it's not an easy fix, you still have to work to be healthy.

Sometimes I go over my calories for the day, but you must then remember that no one is perfect, everyone goes a little party animal at times and you should not punish yourself for what you over ate.  Learn from that experience, and try to prevent it from happening too often.  Remember to exercise as a celebration of what your body can do and not a punishment.  If you over eat regularly, you might be trying to cover your feelings and your reasons might be treated best with some professional help.  Many people have found success with controlling their diet through therapy.  ...Just something to consider.

Well, that's all I can think of for right now for this post.  I hope I've possibly inspired or motivated one reader to try to be a healthier, happier person.  Until next week....

Finding Motivation... working the mind (somewhat a continuation from last post)

This blog won't always be about health and fitness, but that's a big part of my life and how I care for the people I love, so often, there will be some talk of my weekly goals and objectives in regard to that.  Hoping that somehow it may have a positive effect on someones life, therefore this is a bit of a continuation from my last post. 

I want to talk about finding motivation and working the mind to get yourself in a place where you can want to make healthy choices and then actually carry through with doing that.  There are several things you can do to try to keep yourself on track and motivated.  here's a few of my strategies:

1. I collect inspirational memes, in Pinterest, and photo albums on my phone, anywhere I can, and review them when you are feeling unmotivated.
2. Watch Netflix or videos downloaded or from YouTube or something that you only watch at the gym or while exercising at home.  (I don't face-time from the gym, but I'm not at all above that... just no one has time to chat with me about random things during the day.)
3. Go with a friend.  (I have no friends to go with... I attempt to make friends there. ...I watch a lot of Netflix & YouTube.  Thank God for wifi.) 
4. Find a fun way to stay active!
5.  Set goals and visualize success.

One: I collect memes on Pinterest and on my phone in "screenshots."  Just the process of looking through them and reading them all is motivating in itself.  I also post a meme every day on my fb and try to make it something that inspires ME, in hopes that if it inspires me, then it might inspire someone else who is looking for motivation and inspiration.  I have a whole Pinterest folder full of different ones I've collected.  Reward yourself with new clothes,
or maybe a bike, a gym membership, a class, a kayak, a night out dancing, a spa treatment or another fun item that will promote your new healthier life.   

     As I ended my walk today (last Wednesday) I was making myself a folder in my phone photos called "reminder." In it I placed 2-3 pictures of me that were unflattering because I was at my fattest, I put a picture of my mother in law with her bald, cancer-fighting head, I put a picture of the people I love who are overweight and I hope to inspire by example, and I put a few pictures of me at my healthy weight the last time I lost this blubber.  
Get yourself a system that works so that see results.  Counting calories and making my calories count works for me... but only as long as I keep doing it.  Obviously I'm going to have to be mindful of my calories for the rest of my life.  

Two:  Find something to look forward to at the gym.  I personally walk daily because if I plan to work too hard then I won't go and honestly walking is better than sitting on the couch.  I watch a Netflix series that I only allow myself to watch at the gym.  I also browse fb, Insta and YouTube... sometimes music videos and sometimes I watch athletes or "people are awesome."  It distracts me from watching the timer on the treadmill.  If you don't have a way to watch something like that maybe you can plug in and watch the tv's mounted at the gym and go at a time that a show you like is on.  Before my tv had the ability to record and my gym had wifi, I always went at 3 to watch Ellen.  

Three:  See if you can find a friend to go with, you'll hold each other accountable and it makes the time pass so much faster when you are able to chat and share weight machines if you use them.  If you can't find a friend to go with and you're outgoing, make a friend at the gym.  I always tell the girl that works the front desk how much I weigh on weigh day and I usually get a high five.  A couple of the trainers know who I am and will give me a thumbs up on their way past etc.  If you do find a friend and they aren't reliable, supportive and/or they cancel on you... don't use it as an excuse not to go... go alone, after all you are doing this for you and YOU are responsible for doing it.  Don't let excuses drag you out of your healthy groove.

Four:  I am going to have to find fun ways to stay active like hiking, kayaking, shooting bows, bicycling, swimming, skating etc and being healthy is worth it, all I have to do is keep my mind on task!  Find what works for you, make it fun and stick to it.  ....make it a habit.  Make yourself proud and  your haters jealous.

Five:  Set goals for yourself... maybe a fun run (most of them have "walkers" as well.)  They start around $25 entrance fee and can be found easily in your area on the internet.  They are always fun to do with a friend!  My daughter knew I was needing something to work for and signed me up for a 5K...  It was just the push I needed and she doesn't understand what a beautiful gift she gave me by doing that. 

You might set a goal that you will be noticeably thinner so you can buy a new summer wardrobe by vacation.  Make sure that your goals are reasonable and not set too far out.  It's hard to stick with a goal that's payoff is a year away.  It's also easier to give up when you are expecting more from yourself than you are capable of, meaning if you are a woman that weighs more than 250 pounds at an average height, don't expect to be at your high school weight in 6 months. Small goals are key.  Then visualize your success!    Studies have shown that people that visualize success actually reach their goals significantly more than people who do not visualize their success.  Think about the last time that you went bathing suit shopping.  For me, it was not a pleasant experience... but I try to focus on how it will feel to go next time, when I have reached my goal. Then there are all the other amazing moments, like when you have to buy new clothes because all your old ones are falling off of you because they are too big, or when you are invited to a party and you are excited to go without wondering what you can wear.  What about the moment that you see your high school reunion is coming up, or going home to visit family and having a friend you haven't seen in ages tell you that you look great and you know it's the truth.

After today I won't be posting a blog until after June 23rd because I'm heading out on vacation.  My next blog won't be about finding the motivation to work out, I promise.  I'll make it about my diet and after that I'll talk more about other issues in my life.  Thanks for reading. 

Your mind is your most powerful weapon in your arsenal.

     So today (Wednesday)  I talked with a trainer at the gym.  I know that different trainers have different philosophies, and the conversation started when I asked which is "correct," muscles before cardio, or cardio before muscles? (short answer was mix it up and keep your body guessing.)  Anyway we got to talking about a few of my friends and myself and how we all operate differently when it comes to taking care of ourselves.  People are raised differently, we are different people and therefore we are, for lack of a better term "wired" differently.  Some of  my friends make excuses and accept their health like victims of life, some of them seek professional training and take what their trainers tell them as gospel.  I myself, work on my own program (mostly I follow my fitbit.)  Today I hit the 20 lbs lost mark.

(...for the third time.) I have two goals right now: to get healthy and to stay healthy, the latter of the two being my real struggle in the future.  Right now I'm motivated because I'm working toward doing a 5K with my daughter.  Over the years I have learned a lot about myself, I've learned that I have a strong mind (meaning strength of will and determination) and the adage "Train the mind and the body will follow" is true to a T. That being said, I know I can do it and I know that I will do it.  Also I've learned that I won't stick with anything I don't like doing.  This is why I walk instead of run (also running hurts my knees.)  I like to walk, I'm lapping everyone on the couch, and when I walk at the gym I can set the pace and watch Netflix which makes it more enjoyable and less of a chore.  I have "gym" series' that I only watch there and I remind myself it's time to see what happens next.  This trainer I spoke to today, seemed pleased that I understood that it comes from the mind... if your mind is in the right place you will succeed, and a lot of people don't get that.

 It all begins in the mind.  During my "walk" on the treadmill a friend walked up and I told him I'd lost 20 lbs, he replied, "again?" (with a smile.) I said yes, and this time I'm not gaining it back.  He smiled.  The lady on the treadmill next to me said that she didn't think he was as supportive as he should have been... I didn't notice, what he said, made me smile, motivated me and I didn't give it a single negative thought.  Why didn't I see it the way she was seeing it?  Because it truly didn't matter to me  if he was proud of me or not, I'm not trying to impress him.  I am extremely proud of myself, I know how hard I work and what I have accomplished.  He said nothing untrue, but ultimately it is our own mind and the perspective we choose that determines weather or not we succeed.  In a recent commercial with Steph Curry he says, (paraphrasing) "the mind is where every challenge has been won or lost."  I love that because it's so true.

 Peoples minds can overcome their bodies.  All of us have bad days, all of us are self critical... but if you are mentally strong, if you have the will you overcome that.  Look at the positive, don't dwell on past bad habits, focus on future good habits.  Don't dwell on how far you have to go, focus on how far you have come... and just making a good decision that wasn't an easy decision is coming quite a ways.  Sometimes I watch "People are Awesome" videos on fb or YouTube while I walk, and it's always amazing what people choose to do with themselves, but the fact that they can do what they do shouldn't be a surprise.  We can accomplish anything we set our mind to. 

Worked on this quite a while last night and this morning, my changes are missing.  I'm going to post it as is, bear with me as I'm am new to this.  

What this new blog is for, and a little about me...

This (hopefully) weekly blog is intended to be a mix of help, entertainment and information on my perspective.  If you are just curious about what other people think or how they handle daily issues; this is how I deal with mine.  Feel free to join me on my journey.  If it helps you then I'm glad, if it makes you laugh, then I'm glad, if you think it's stupid, then move on... best wishes.  Any suggestions on weekly topics or reasonable questions are welcome, however, (disclaimer) I have no qualifications to give any advice other than my membership in the human race.  I'm 48, divorced once, married now for 20 years, I've raised 4 kids (girls are now 30 & 25; boys are now 19 & almost 16,) I currently clean houses as my only employment and I enjoy my life. My latest challenge is to get back in shape, (lose weight) and make friends who do active/healthy things without drama or negativity.  I already do crafts and spend time with my husband when I can hiking, camping etc. I also like to cook. I accept diversity and although I try not to condemn others I do have my opinions as is human nature. I am new to blogging so bear with me, I'm trying to figure it out as I go along.  If I can share a hack or cheer someone up, or leave a positive impression on someones day... it will make mine.