Living in the Present

I was going to entitle this post: "Outdoor Adventures of a Scaredy-cat,"  However, it's really about learning
to live life to the fullest in each moment. Lets face it, I understand as much as anyone that sometimes you just need some time to veg on the couch or cry until your hormones level out, but generally people don't regret finding the motivation to get up off the couch or out of bed to make memories.  Good or bad, we learn from our experiences and we look back and laugh on both pleasant and unpleasant experiences.  It's no fun to attend a gathering where everyone is talking about the memories they have together when you are not part of those memories.  Memories are what we leave behind with those we love.  Those family and friends that we don't have many memories with are likely to consider us more of an acquaintance, they're not going to remember much of us when we are gone and therefore we won't be much missed.  There is great value in making memories.

When I was a young woman, I never wanted to spend money on having experiences.  Much like my father
and brother I generally experienced what I felt that I needed at home.  However, as my children became grown I realized that one of my biggest regrets was that I didn't' do more with them.  Now I am almost an empty nester, and I am starting to live a little more and hide a little less.  Now that I am getting fit and feeling

better about myself, now that I have more energy I am a lot more motivated to plan things and stick to them.  I love the meetup group I belong to, and look forward to planning an outing with them at least 2-3 times weekly.  I feel like I have made a life for myself and it makes "a more active lifestyle" less of an effort.

One of my issues is that I love being outside in nature but I'm definitely a scaredy cat.  Possibly because I over think things, and possibly because I think things through realistically.  I am in no way an adrenaline junkie or a thrill seeker.  I am afraid of cougars, bears, wolves, snakes etc.  I am afraid of falling and hurting myself.  Most of the time I feel like I'm the only one in my circle that has these active fears even though I rarely voice them, they are definitely part of my consciousness.  I really don't know and wonder if it's a good thing, or a bad thing.  I often watch people doing things on tv and wonder if they are just very brave or if they don't think things through very well.  I want to have excitement, not fear.  That being said, I do the things that I enjoy doing and just take all the precautions that I am able to stay safe, but I still try to step outside my comfort zone and enjoy life and life has improved so much since I've done just that.

Another big issue is laziness.  I get tired.  I don't "feel like it."  I see going and doing things as more trouble than it's worth.  Yet, the more I sit on the couch and watch television, the more I feel like I'm invisible, forgotten and worthless.  I deserve to be posting the same things on fb that my friends are.  I don't want social media to be my whole social life.  So I get up early and drag my butt out of bed knowing I'll see people and enjoy myself once I get out there.  If I do something active like kayak or hike, then I generally don't have to go to the gym and that is a plus!  No one "visits" at the gym!  I never regret going out and doing things to have fun once I do them.... it's just dragging my lazy butt off the couch to go get ready and that's a pretty small obstacle in the grand scheme of things.

Most people blame being broke either financially or physically.  I live payday to payday as well... but you can't take it with you. It's worth it because as I said memories are valuable both to us and those we share them with.  It doesn't cost much to rent a kayak ($12/hr.) or save up and get a bike, or spend your tax return on camping equipment.  Joining "Fun Runs" is usually only about $25/person and once you've registered it's more motivating to get out and do it!  It seems like I always run into friends when my daughter and I do those together!  Hiking is free and you can certainly buy equipment a little at a time especially if you are hiking for one afternoon with a group of people.  Rollerskating, dancing, bowling, pee-wee/putt putt golf, are all generally pretty cheap, planning a picnic at the park is almost free and all you need is food and a Frisbee! Archery, disc golf, even street festivals and craft fairs in your area. If you have injuries I'm sure there is something you can do.... bad knees?  Find a local swimming pool! #noexcuses!

Some of us are just shy, we have our insecurities.  I am not shy at all... but I have a lot of insecurities about myself.  I think people don't want to hang out with me because I talk a lot and I don't want to call and bother people.  I also am afraid I'll be rejected, but this is how you find out who your true life-long friends are!  Maybe the people that you enjoy are sitting home thinking they wish someone like you would call and invite them to go do something.  What if they are wishing they had pictures with friends to post on social media.  What if they don't feel like they are worth the effort and they don't want to be a bother.  What if you call someone and make their day?  What's the worst that could happen? Is it really worth not doing anything and just hiding in a dark hole watching make-believe stories on television.

No one regrets going out to have fun.  So make at least one day a week a day when you go do something fun.  Live in the moment, don't just exist.  Celebrate what your body CAN do!  Plan something with people and MAKE IT HAPPEN!  Don't waste time! Tomorrow is not promised, not only for you... but for all those you love and care for.  Make cookies for someone, go visit them. #noregrets!

It will be worth it I assure you when you're going through pictures on New Years Eve from the past year and you're seeing all that you enjoyed.  Make sure that you don't just have texts to look back on! The pictures included here are all from this year except the one with me and the horse... which simply reminds me I gotta get back to that SOON!  I'm grateful (especially to my daughter, Emma Pi, for making my life better, for appreciating me and loving me and being there for me.  Also, to the man whose soul is one with mine (below.)  He brings me more joy and peace than he could ever imgine, you're all just lucky that I'm not so corny I can't shut up about my love life! (you're welcome... I'm a grown-up.) So this is how my year is going, I have a visual record and a heart that's full.  So get outside, get a little crazy, laugh, love, be kind... live.

My Birthday and my life an "unplanned topic"

Well, it's official, on Friday I turned 49.  There is no shame in anyone knowing my age as I view it more as an accomplishment. Not to mention that people knowing how old I am doesn't change anything.  The last 2 years we have gone camping for my birthday because if I don't tell my family that's what I want to do for my birthday then I don't get to go camping for another year at least.  So we go camping and I usually enjoy it tremendously, this year being no exception.  The day of my birthday is hit or miss, but the camping trip on the whole is usually pretty awesome.  This year I was feeling proud because I've lost over 40 pounds and am working on a more positive perspective (which I believe I am succeeding at.)  This year my birthday day was hard because I was hormonal and only got about 2 hours sleep the night before.  Everything seemed to be going wrong.  I struggled with breakfast, made my husband mad by accident and didn't get to do anything I had planned on or wanted to do that day.  I could have then cried, felt sorry for myself and ate myself silly... ok, well I did eat myself silly... but I chose to see the beauty around me, not just in the nature that was my physical surroundings but in the beauty of the love of my family and friend.  I allowed myself to cheat the whole trip (more on that later,) and my family surprised me with gifts that I didn't expect at all.  Not just a gift but things they'd seen me admire in a store and not buy for myself...  I was blown away.  I also got a surprise in the mail from my mother and her husband that I'd brought along and it was something I will definitely enjoy using! So thoughtful, generous and unexpected!  I have 2 relatively new friends that texted me and remembered it was my birthday and that made me feel cared about. I enjoyed my angel food cake and whipped cream (with extras: hot fudge & caramel sauce) and sitting around the campfire laughing and teasing each other.  Listening to the water lapping the shore of the lake and looking up at the stars of which there were so many more than usual.  ;)

The next day, was fantastic.  I spent 3 hours enjoying the lake in my kayak with my husband.  All the meals went smoothly, and the weather the entire weekend was the best we've ever had while camping!  Warm but not too hot, not raining and only cold at night around the campfire with hoodies, blankets and roasted marshmallows.  My birthday wasn't what I had planned, but it was full of love, and beauty (both seen and felt.) The following day as I started my 50th year of life I realized I have finally started living.  I have finally learned to try to appreciate the good and let the bad go.  I've started prioritizing moments, making memories, spreading smiles and feeling at peace.  I feel like I am achieving the things I'm setting out to do and getting what I've wanted for myself and that is something that many people never achieve. Memories with the ones you love are so much more valuable than collecting things.  No one is going to remember your clothes, craft supplies or your toys and furniture.... they will remember things you've said that impacted them, funny things that happened WITH you and the way that they felt AROUND you.  I wanted things for myself that I didn't realize I'd wanted, and these things that I am putting into my life like positivity, rejoicing in the silver lining of each struggle and seeing the beauty in the moments I share with people not just in the physical beauty of life, but the blessings that you can't hold in your hand, but  in your heart, have brought me a new sense of happiness.  I didn't realize I could change myself so much or the way I perceive things.  I didn't realize I wasn't as happy as I could be.  My greatest gift are the people who care about me and show me with their actions. Actions like giving me their time, knowing me, showing me love... not just with words but with smiles, laughter, hugs and presence. (yes, that is spelled correctly.) It's an incredible thing to feel like you make a difference to people and you're worth all the struggles of your past and your self improvements are acknowledged and appreciated.  There are no words to explain how incredibly blessed I feel.

OK, with regard to the eating thing (*eye-roll*) I was ridiculous for 4 days and gained 6.6 pounds back. Am I bummed? NOPE.  Here's why... In the past something like this would derail my success and send me plummeting back into apathy.  I knew this time would come and this time it would have to be different and what would have to be different would be that I have to continually care and be careful about my health.  I haven't had more than 2-3 cheat days in 4 months.  I know that I will have days that will be "cheat" (party) days and I've assigned those as follows:  Valentines Day, Easter, my anniversary, Mothers Day (maybe), 4th of July, my birthday, Halloween (I LOVE candy!), Thanksgiving, Christmas and maybe New Years Eve.  If I have been maintaining my positive eating habits then I deserve to loosen up on "special days" like everyone else.  I have got to learn to discipline myself into caring about myself even after I gain a little weight back from a celebratory camping trip or a holiday.  It will be easier to forgive myself and get back on the wagon if I only have to correct approximately 5 pounds instead of re-losing 50-60 as in the past.  If this time is to be different, then today is where the difference starts.  Today is where I show myself that I have what it takes to maintain my success.  Today, the improvements show.  Today I will rise above. I will continue to improve MY life.